Chad's sermon was on prayer this week- a welcome break from being reminded of the futileness of trying to live in the Law instead of in grace. I was convicted of how little time I actually devote to prayer throughout my day. I'll pray now and again every day for little things and things that reach my heart, like people and situations. I'll pray with the kids for Daddy at work and for good attitudes. I do not, however, spend time just resting in God's presence. Well, rarely. If I am honest with myself, I will blame some of it on my husband. I'll think, "He should lead me in prayer more often". I am ashamed at how deftly I am able to pass my own problems and sin and apathy off on someone else. I, and only I, will stand before the throne of judgment and grace. I am responsible for my own attitudes and actions.
So last night, Beau did pray with me before bed. He prayed for me to have time to be in the Word and prayer, and I prayed the same. I clean my house on Monday mornings, so I figured I would have some quiet time while the kids napped in the afternoon. But I forgot that God wants my first and best. He reminded me, as the kids did not wake up until 8:45- unheard of! But I got some lovely, peaceful time to spend with the Lord this morning. It is only through prayer that I can pour out my frustrations and sorrows to Him. He allows me free access to do so through Christ. I my prayer journal, I cam across this quote:
"We've cozied up so close to God that we can sometimes forget how pure and holy, how high and majestic He is. But the Bible says He cannot stand in the presence of sin- even the ones you laugh with your friends about, not to mention the ones you hope no one ever discovers"
I started to realize the grievousness of the attitudes I have been hiding in my heart. Not only am I being pridefully judgmental and lacking in love, but the attitude of my heart has started to influence the way I am acting around my family and probably my friends. It manifests itself in complaining, lack of contentment, and worst of all, gossiping. I am praying now about having a true agape love in my heart for those around me, especially the people whose actions I don't agree with. I have realized this year-again- that life is not all puppies and butterflies. There are gut-wrenchingly awful situations that crop up in a sinful world, and the Christian must deal with these problems differently than the world. I am held to a higher standard. I can't minimize or laugh about my sin or the sins of others. The eternal soul is too important. I must decrease that He might increase.