"When he first fell in love with you, you were a sweet little thing, full of laughter and fun. From the very bottom of your soul you were thrilled with him. Every day you woke up planning some activity that involved you both. Is he still married to the same sweet little thing, or have you become a long-faced, sickly complainer? Love is like a flower: you can't expect it to grow without sunshine. Has your lover seen your sunshine lately? Is he still your lover? What would he say?" (27).
Do you like being around a complainer? I don't. I try to steer the subject of a conversation toward a different direction if I am talking to a complainer.
If that complainer is me, though, I think the complaining is perfectly justified. Ha.
Men are attracted to femininity. They want to be macho, and they want us to be coquettish, lady-like, and flirty. Obviously, only with them. Obviously.
We all tried very hard to be the perfect "sweet little thing" for at least some part of our dating or courtship. Of course I am easygoing. Of course I want to watch that movie. Of course I want to spend my time doing whatever you want to do. Of course I am naturally cheerful. Because as most women in the dating pool know, if you are not easygoing and cheerful, there are plenty of women who are.
Ladies, the rules have not changed. There are still plenty of easygoing, cheerful, adulterous women out there. If we don't provide the light, cheerful, everyday company a hard-working man needs, there is a woman who will.
This is a hard thing to hear, but it is truth. Satan hates a solid marriage. What better way to destroy society than to break up God's picture of Christ and His bride?
But we wise wives know the truth. We have Scripture to go to battle with. "A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance" (Proverbs 15:13). Battle for your husband. Be cheerful. Be feminine. Be coy in the way you know that he responds to. No man wants to come home to a "long-faced, sickly complainer"!
Of course we all have our days. We are women. (If there is a random dude reading this post, my apologies. You are exempt). We have very real fluctuating emotions. The Lord has made us this way so we can nurture children and husbands. But woman, you pull yourself together before your husband walks in the door!
Nurture your sunshine. Read Scripture and sit quietly before the Father. Schedule some rest into your day. Feed yourself good food. Walk outside. Listen to soothing music. Have the children play quietly in their rooms, all by themselves. Take every negative thought captive. God gives us the grace and capability to do so through the Holy Spirit.
Practice truly does make perfect. If we are not practicing contentment and joy, it is very, very easy to fall into practicing bitterness and long-faced-ness.
Our men desire heavenly marriages, just like we do. Ask the Lord for wisdom in how to serve your husband in the way he needs most.
It is hard to resist a sweet thing.
6 comments:
One of the things I notice my hubby likes is that I have always, ALWAYS greeted him at the door when he gets home. Granted, I'm not always completely cheerful (sometimes I'll have just stopped yelling at the kids =\), but he gets a big kiss and hug when he comes in the door. I think he likes that I take the time to stop what I'm doing to let him know I am glad he's home. On the rare occasion I don't make it (changing a diaper, or i don't hear the garage door) he comes to find me to see what's wrong.
It does make a difference to be cheerful and happy that we have them and to let them know it! :)
I love reading your blog because I love reading all the ways you care for Ben and the boys. That coming home hour is usually the craziest hour of the day, but I am going to practice being super thankful to see him every day. Thanks, Meg! :)
I read your excerpt and then I had to go take a walk while I mulled it over in my head. I am glad that Meg posted first, because when she and Ben were engaged, I would be in the kitchen cooking dinner and he would get home and she would run out the door and jump into his arms giving him kisses. I would stand there and wonder, "When did I change?" I watched and both my girls were doing all of the sweet things and I knew,
I needed to change back to that girl who couldn't wait for the phone or the sound of the car. I think life is made up of seasons. It is possible to always be that girl who he fell in love,it just takes remembering that first we were just me and him.
After six kids and two wonderful people they married and six grand kids now. It is possible to stay in love, it just takes a different kind of juggling. I find now, don't believe woman's magazines ever, the longer you are married, the hotter the passion. :) It is worth it, every bit.
Farm Girl, what great wisdom. Thank you for the comment. My husband would love it if I were always, always glad to see him, no matter what my day is like. It is not his fault that the days are crazy.
I would be so honored to be your Mommy. :) Such a grand title don't you think? You made my day. :)Thank you.
I've been thinking about this and analyzing it. And it is true, my husband just hates it when I get into a complaining mood.
You know that verse in Song of Solomon about the little foxes spoiling the grapes? I have to be very careful, or all those little cares and annoyances will slowly spoil our relationship. I have to carve out time for us to be together and do things together. Lately I've made an effort to play games with him (we did it so much when we were dating!) and watching movies with him. Husbands think playmates are extremely sexy. There's a whole chapter in it in For Women Only. (I think the chapter is something like, Flowers, Chocolate and Bait Fishing.)
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