Poverty of Spirit

It is 8:11 and my children are still sleeping...let's blog!

"God shows us our poverty of Spirit when we try, in our own strength, to walk in a way pleasing to God...and yet continually fail" (Praying God's Word by Beth Moore, 63).

I have had a large lesson in humility over the past week. It started with some small complications in this pregnancy. My pride in being "healthy" was stripped away. I assumed that by eating clean, organic, whole food and exercising, that I would have as many healthy, problem-free pregnancies as I desired. God's ways are not my ways. Our baby seems to be perfectly normal, but for a few days, we were not sure, and I had an opportunity to fully lean on and trust my Father.

Then, my husband returned home after a nourishing Bible conference in Florida. We missed each other while he was gone, especially due to the fact that we had the minor pregnancy emergency while he was across the country. But he came back, I was fine, and I began to be irritable and contentious once again. And we know what Scripture says about a contentious woman.

My husband is blessed with a unique ability to commandingly yet lovingly address my sin, but my pride usually blocks me from seeing his loving intentions. So I ignore him, continue in my inward bitterness, and hope it will all go away. But that is not God's way, either.

In our small group study this week and again in my personal Bible study, God taught me that humility is vital to sanctification. I know this, I just conveniently forget it when my desires are not met. Paul Tripp, who writes the study, says that desires are not independently wrong. When my desires begin to negatively affect my relationships, I am decidedly in sin.

My personal study on pride led me to the quote this post opened with. I am reminded, so many times throughout my days and years, that is futility to attempt to sanctify myself. God only desires a broken and contrite heart.

Pre-Preschool

I have officially been a Mommy for three years, as Jackson turned three earlier this month. I, like many newer moms, second-guess myself on most things. One of the ways I reassure myself is by interrogating other moms on their schedules, habits, and ideas. I read a lot of books, and yes, blogs. Beau and I often discuss methodologies and strategies for raising our children in a way that glorifies God.

After a basic knowledge of God and a love of Scripture, one of our primary goals is to instill a love of learning in the children. I have had many wise women tell me that the way to establish this is to read as much as possible to my children. I guiltily admit that I do not do this. We read before naptime and bedtime and on rainy days, but I know that there are opportunities during the day that I should take advantage of, I just don't. Part of this reason is because my kids are still so small. Rebecca won't sit still and listen to an entire story, unless it is "Goodnight, Moon". She kicks the pages and tells her own story (adorable and encouraged!). Jackson enjoys reading more. He letter-reads words and has memorized many of his more childish books. He looks forward to the ritual of one-on-one time with his parents. He asks questions about the pictures and ideas. Beau got to explain to him last night why the sun is not seen at night. I know that in the next few months, Rebecca will catch up.

I had a girlfriend ask me this week what I do with my children, learning-wise. I think she is doing the same thing I like to do- ask, ask ask what other moms are doing. It is comforting to have a barometer to which one can compare daily life with children. With very small children, it seems daunting to add such a task as schooling to our long days with diapers and discipline and meals and playing and running the home and being a wife. However, the best advice I have gotten so far is to simply make learning a part of daily life. I have observed other mommies doing this quite seamlessly. It is painless for both teacher and student. Anytime can be learning time- meals, errand running, playtime. Children love to learn new things.

At this point, we have only a few structured parts of our day that involve learning. We try to read our children's Bible each day at breakfast. We have recently incorporated the A Beka Preschool Curriculum (an incredible gift from my mother-in-law). The curriculum, which I would not bother using at this point if it were not gratis, consists of giant colorful flashcards that the children can look at while I read a short lesson out of a handbook. It is written from a Christian point of view, and we all love it. However, this takes 10 minutes at the most. If we miss a day, I don't worry about it.

But our favorite way to learn right now is Starfall, the best website on the internet! My aunt introduced me to this program when Jackson was 15 months old, and we have been devotees ever since. The most basic program is for babies and toddlers. It teaches letters and phonemic awareness. And, it is free! That is my favorite part. Jackson is too old for the letters and sounds program, so we have started doing basic reading preparation. There is no guesswork involved for an unsure mommy- you simply follow the program.

The rest of our days are filled with playtime, cooking, digging and playing in the yard, coloring, napping, and watching some PBS. I never know if what I am doing is right enough or beneficial enough, but I so enjoy getting to be around my children every day and I know that God is good to guide me in how to grow my little ones up in the way that they should go.

Starfall time!

Funny Joke of The Day, Courtesy of Jessie's Boyfriend

Q. Why is the ocean wet?

A. The sea weed.

We've got to have humor.

Back to the Four of Us

Jessie, my sweet sister, has finally moved out. I feel a little like her parent, both excited for her to be on her own and also grieving the loss of time spent with her. These last six months have been a true blessing for all of us.

The kids loved having Jessie around to play with and hang around. Not once did I ever see her kick them out of her room, no matter how busy she seemed to be. Beau and I enjoyed having someone else to talk with and eat with. She has had two jobs for almost five months now, so we did not have enough time in the day to tire of each other. She was a tactful houseguest.

I very much enjoyed our runs each morning. We talked of life and love and theology. It was cathartic for me to be able to have such meaningful conversation with a sister.

And now, she has her very own home. After an afternoon of painting, pruning, and cleaning last Friday, Jessie treated us to dinner. She shared with us that she has a different outlook on life after living with us.

"I'm happy now", she said.

I don't believe it has been any one thing that has made her attitude shift so fundamentally. I think she just got some time to rest and relax and rethink her priorities. She has begun attending church regularly. She is asking critical questions about the Lord. She has finished her grieving process after the dissolution of a 5-year relationship. And she is a homeowner! I have seen her grow and change. She truly is a different person now, ready for new avenues that will open up to her in the near future. I will miss her, but I will always remember this sweet time we got to have together as a family.

Quiet

I am lucky enough to be sick today. We just got to stay at home. No pressure, no feeling the need to "do". It has been a lovely and relaxing morning, and I really am feeling a little better. We ate a leisurely breakfast and watched "Word World". Then the kids played outside in the spring sun while I got to sit with a blanket and coffee and read my Bible. We had a bath, then lunch, and then we did school for about 15 minutes. Throughout the morning, the kids helped me slowly clean up after ourselves and organize things here and there. This is what we do every day, but we usually compound it with errand running or visiting people. Today, we just got to spend time with each other. I think we all needed it. The morning did start with four separate disciplining sessions with Jackson, but his attitude was definitely adjusted. Besides the angry-looking bite mark on Rebecca's arm, we escaped the morning injury-free.

I was able to read Brandy's post on "Me Time" and the pursuit of a simple lifestyle. We got a taste of that this morning and I am kind of excited to try it again tomorrow. Could we really just stay at home all day most days? Would I feel completely unproductive and fenced-in? Would it really be better for the kids to have slow, simple, structured days? There are wise women in my life who would say, absolutely. One of them has been encouraging me to slow down since the day Jackson was born. I think I am about ready to listen.

Our Day at the Farm

Our friends invited us over to their home last Friday, where we milked a goat, pet a chicken, played on a real playground, drank raw goat's milk, and had a rousing discussion on health and nutrition. What a wonderful way to spend a morning. Bonus: the kids took a great nap! There was also a giant rope swing hanging from a beautiful mature tree that the kids took turns on. We can't wait to spend another morning on Larimer Lane.

Valentine's Day at the Beach

We got to go to Beau's parents' beach home for Valentine's Day weekend. It was, as usual, a blessed time of relaxation. Tom and Connie took us to a vineyard for a Valentine's Day picnic on the grounds. The kids had a great time eating sandwiches and running around the beautiful surroundings. There were white fluffy clouds overhead and a lovely spring breeze was drifting by as we ate our lunch. We got to see two movies and walk around San Luis Obispo. It was wonderful to be able to leave town for a little bit and have a lovely, cheap vacation.