A bit of darkness had crept back in.
After four nights of poor sleep, culminating with a three and a half hour total night's sleep, I really thought I might be losing it.
But that is what Very Little Sleep will do to one's brain. Add in all of the other responsibilities of the day, and you have trouble brewing.
What is a girl to do?
This girl called her husband, crying, at 6pm. Said husband graciously backed out of co-leading his Bible study, deftly arranged a dear couple of babysitters, and picked me and the baby up to take me out of the house.
That was not my plan. I wanted to finish my meltdown in private, where no one could see me and no one would know. But God showed my husband and my dear friends how to care for me and I am so grateful. This, along with the prayers of faithful saints, has been peacefully lulling me to sleep the past few nights. I still feel physically tired, but nowhere near as near the edge as I was feeling on Monday. Crisis averted. And now, on this side, it doesn't feel like a crisis at all.
I have also been supplied with a wealth of biblical information to combat poor thinking. My blessing of a sister-in-law gave me a few books to begin reading. The one I just finished is called Shopping for Time, by Carolyn Mahaney and her daughters. It is an easy read, and it reminded me of how skewed priorities can make for a skewed day, and night.
I was reminded that my first priority of the day is to simply sit at Christ's feet. To listen and to learn. Quietly. This is why it is called "quiet time". I have been pushing my quiet time around, trying to do it while nursing Roman at 7 am. But my attention is diverted by all sorts of things and I have not spent meaningful time with my Lord for weeks, it seems.
So today I put the kids down for rest time. I saw laundry. I saw dishes. I saw sewing projects. I saw a workout DVD. I saw a really comfy looking couch, pillow, and blanket. And I saw my Bible.
Fighting major urges to sweep down my list and accomplish all of the negligables, I picked up my Bible and put on a worship CD that a dear friend had made for me to help soothe my soul.
And oh, how I was refreshed! God truly did soothe my soul, reminding me of truths that I had pushed aside. He reminded me that I am a funny little thing, trying so hard to control my own world. He gave me peace to trust Him.