Now that I am a mother, I learn something every day.
I learn about me. I learn about my kids. I learn all sorts of things.
Sometimes I do not like what I learn. For instance, I learn that the things I don't like about me are very prevalent in my children. Well, one child in particular.
I am the oldest of three. He is the oldest of three. We have moments of joy and gladness, of getting along, of teaching and learning, of laughing and playing. We have moments of frustration and misunderstanding, of power struggles and sin nature.
Rebecca is so easy to get along with. She doesn't have both feet in this world, so that helps. She has dual citizenship on earth and in Rebeccaland, where I often like to visit. It is fun there. She loves to paint and draw. She loves to play by herself, quietly. She takes care of both of her brothers without being asked. She loves to cook and clean and help me. She even smiles while she is being willfully disobedient. She says funny things like "It smells like boogers in here" as she smiles at me with her finger up her nose.
Jackson is currently teaching me more. I have to address the sin in my own life that I see mirrored in him. He likes to yell. He has a quick temper. His feelings are easily hurt. He just wants me to play with him all the time.
God warns me of the hypocrisy of telling my son not to do something that I myself often do.
Mmm hmm. Sure, Mom.
Now, on the other hand, the boy is exceedingly good compnay. He asks all sorts of interesting questions. He is usually respectful and considerate. I am sure that over our lives together, we will grow in friendship, and there are bits and pieces of that sort of relationship that are beginning to show. My hope is that someday he will be a brother in Christ. How amazing would that be! Jackson is my first, and he bears the brunt of all of my shortcomings and experiments. But we also get to explore all new things together first.
I have had lots of time to think about these things as we have been home sick again for many days. I never have just been still in my life. I like to be doing things. What things? I don't know. I just like to be busy. But that is kind of impossible for a mommy who is home tending to sick children. So I get to be still and listen to what the Lord is trying to teach me. And right now he is teaching me about a little boy's heart and my own heart. How wonderful! A lifelong learning experience, right in my own soul.