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Thursday, June 9, 2011

Heavenly Marriage: Part 4

I am still reading this book- savoring it slowly during my quiet times, praying about it and trying to apply it to my life. We are only on part IV, and I feel like there is so much more to share. Hopefully, we make it through together ;)

Three Kinds of Men

Ms. Pearl and her daughter co-wrote Chapter 8- "Wisdom to Understand Your Man". You may or may not agree with her assessment that there are just three types of man, and all men should fall within this scope, but I will share with you the summary of their ideas. Onwards!

1. Mr. Command Man-
This husband is a born leader. He will often be in a place of authority, and he generally desires that his wife support this authority. He needs his wife to honor and reverence him daily.
"A woman married to a Command Man wears a heavier yoke than most women, but it can be a very rewarding yoke. In a way, her walk as his help meet is easier because there is never any possibility of her being in control. There are no gray areas; she always knows exactly what is required of her, therefore she has a calm sense of safety and rest".
2. Mr. Visionary-
Your man is a "mover, shaker, and dreamer". He is neither stagnant nor dull. His ideas and plans may work out, but they may not. He loves to have a patient wife who will listen to his every idea.
"Every Mr. Visionary needs a good, wise, prudent, stable wife who has a positive outlook on life...The wife of Mr. Visionary should be just a little bit reckless and blind in one eye if she is going to enjoy the ride. If this is your man, you need to learn two very important things (beyond how to make an appeal). Learn how to be flexible, and learn how to always be loyal to your man. You will be amazed at how much happier you will be and how much fun life can be if you learn to just go with the flow- his flow. Life will become an adventure."
3. Mr. Steady-
This man is not extreme. He is a behind-the-scenes worker, diligent. You can always count on him to do what he says he will do, because he makes steady, wise decisions.
"He will selflessly fight wars that Mr. Visionary start and Mr. Command Man lead...Your husband's gentleness if not a weakness; it is his strength. Your husband's hesitation is not indecision; it is cautious wisdom."
Most men are a combination of these three. Even with a careful examination and diagnosis of your man as one of these three, the message is the same: seek to be a student of your husband and address his needs, strengths, and weaknesses before he has to beg you to do so. Any one of these three men can be "praised in the gates" if he has a wife who honors, respects, values, and loves him.

My own husband is a combination of "Mr. Command Man" and "Mr. Steady". I would encourage you to read Chapter 8 for an in-depth study of these three types of men, along with the Scripture that supports it.


Kessie said...

Those are really interesting breakdowns. I can't really pigeonhole my husband into any one of those, like she said, because he seems to be evolving between all three states at once. But I definitely see those characteristics. It's hard to be a helpmeet to each variety, isn't it?

Farm Girl said...

I think with anything they can be at different times in their lives all of them and some times none of them.
I think that is the beauty of marriage. We have to be like that tree planted by the water in Psalm 1 we have to be about growing and putting our roots deep and depending on God for the kind of wife our husbands need at what ever place he is in life. The water in Psalm is running. Fresh and clear.
To put a husband in this or that category would cause him to not grow. Marriage is always growing and changing that is why we must always study our husbands as we would want to always fit him where he is,
We are his comforter when he is down or afraid, we are his lover and his friend. We are to always be the place he can come to for safety. Marriage is I think about being a willow tree that bends and moves with the changes, not a oak that has to be broken to be moved.
I need to read that book. I could get a better idea I think.
I just think that sometimes Debi Pearl comes off a bit legalistic.
I have liked what she says but sometimes I think it would be really hard to live it. Just love your husband the way he is right now. Read some books written by men to woman like What Makes a Man Feel Loved by Bob Barnes. Men know men and woman think they do.
I love your bits that you are sharing, you really cause me to think things over in my own head and yes, you challenge me to look hard at my own marriage. Since you have been writing, I have tried to be more of a best friend to my husband, more adventurous, and more fun. I have tried to pay better attention to his needs and have tried to keep my mouth shut.
So Jennifer you reading this book is helping me.
Thank you,

Brandy @ Afterthoughts said...

Overall, I'm definitely married to a Mr. Steady. But you probably could have guessed that. I totally could have guessed Beau!

I like what Farm Girl said above, though, that men can change throughout their lives, and we should focus on loving them as they are. Good advice...so thanks, FG!

And thank you Jen. I haven't read this in a long time so these are good reminders. I am like you--the harshness isn't for everyone, but I need it because the gentle approach doesn't always wake me up as it should.

I wish I could say otherwise. I am tempted to say this reveals a hard heart in me. I don't know...

Jennifer said...

Thanks for your insights, ladies. Farm Girl, I appreciate that you are tempering the book with gentler, still practical ways of loving our husbands. Kessie, it is definitely hard to be a helpmeet to one of these, let alone each of them! And Brandy, I thankful for your thoughts. I too am glad to remember that just as women change, so do men, (even though I could sometimes swear they don't and never will ;) ) I have to be as flexible in this aspect of my life as I must be in others.


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